Saturday, May 12, 2007

M-Day: Fight or Flight?


It's fast approaching...the day that all infertile women fear: Mother's Day. Tomorrow, all across the Country, people will be celebrating what is supposed to be a woman's God-given right...the right to be a mother. Will I be celebrating? According to social standing, I really can't celebrate for myself. I do however have a mother, a mother in law, grandmothers, cousins, and all our sisters in law are mothers. The word is all around me! I can't escape and it's a little frustrating. Actually, mucho grande frustrating! I will have a little solice though...tomorrow I have to work. I haven't been so excited to work on a weekend in a long time!

I shouldn't tease myself though...even at work, I won't be able to escape. Everytime I turn around there is another nicely rounded baby belly, baby shower invites posted on doors, or new arrival emails just staring me in the face. Then I have the "well-meaning" people saying the inevitable: "You have plenty of time," "Just be patient, honey," and one of my top favorites, "You're next!" Ooooohhhhh!!! If they only knew how much those little well meaning phrases stung, they would run for the hills knowing how much I'm on the brink of just cold-cocking someone right in the face! Sound a little bitter? Ya think!?!? Geeeessshhhh! Get a clue people! But alas, I keep my cool, give a little noncommittal smile, raised eyebrows (really in disbelief), and nod my head just to appease them so that they will walk away feeling that their pitty phrases really helped. Then, with my uterus feeling even more empty than before, I walk in the opposite direction with tears following. That in turn, pushes me to my latest addiction, the APA forum online where people actually understand what the hell I mean by all this! I really don't know where I'd be without the ladies on there. God has blessed me just enough to give me that comfort of knowing we're not alone in this struggle. For that, I'm eternally grateful.

Chris and I discussed that this month would be the last month of attempting to conceive "naturally" before hopefully moving on to IUI in June. So, in the hopes that I would actually ovulate on my own, I decided to start charting/temping this month. Looking at my chart, it appears that I did in fact "O" on 5/8. Which now puts me in what we APA gals call the 2WW or 2 week wait. Which means, that we now just have to wait the 2 weeks between ovulation and the time I should begin mensus. If it comes, of course our plan has failed, yet again (big shocker? I think not.). If it doesn't come, then that means one of two things: Either I'm pregnant or my cycle is being difficult again and I really never "Oed" anyway. Of course, we are hoping for the first of those two options, but I'm not really counting on it.

I want to dedicate this post to all the women out there struggling to conceive. I want to wish all of us a Happy Mother's Day. We deserve it. And you know I'm going to tell you why! Here's to us because we are fighting a daily battle trying to ensure our children have a future. We are planning for them and protecting their lives even though they don't know it yet. We are going through all the stress that mothers go through...but we go above and beyond what the typical mom has to deal with. The mother figure loses sleep at night hoping her baby makes it home safely; we lose sleep at night hoping our baby makes it safely home to our womb. We already have to worry about all the "mom" stuff...balanced diet, vitamins, Dr.'s appointments, being over-protective, ect. We go through the Hell of being "lab rats" each and everyday. We voluntarily allow Dr.s and nurses to poke and prod, to violate and humiliate so that we may have the optimum environment for our soon to be growing child. We talk, cry, scream, and constantly worry with our husbands as we are forced to over-prepare for becoming parents. We spoil our children with gifts that are just awaiting their arrival into our home. We deal with a much more complicated grading system than even public schools can come up with: Not just F's, but FSH's, BFN's, LH's, IUI's, IVF's, FET's, RE's, PA's, US's, and the list goes on and on and on...the best grade our kids can get is the oh so precious BFP! So, for all of us struggling to concieve, have a wonderful Mother's Day because each and everyone of us are already Mom's whether society believes it or not. I say we all stand together in unison and fight for our annual right to be pampered on the "hallowed uterus-worshiping day!" Cheers!!

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