Dear Anonymous...

5/23/07

Anonymous said...

"why don't you think about nature for a second? if there was a god, you wouldn't be having trouble conceiving, would you? there's a reason it's not happening and there are lots of kids that need homes. and your nursery is creepy. you're like one of those women who plan their weddings before they've even met their future husband."
May 23, 2007 10:57 AM

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and freedom of speech. I'm not going to be arguing against that. All I ask is that you do not attack my faith, my God. Just because I have issues with conceiving, doesn't mean that my God doesn't exist. I blame none of this on Him. I ask for His support and guidance. He never promised us life would be perfect. He actually promised that life would be full of tests and struggles and that these things would prove faith in Him. He has never given me more than I can handle, which was also promised. I've been pushed right to the breaking point, but never over it.

You're right, there is a reason it hasn't happened...yet. I don't know the reason, I'm not God. And yes, there are several children that all need homes, but if you had had any mind enough to do some research before being critical, you would have discovered that my husband and I do not yet meet the adoption criteria. We are not of age and have not yet been officially married long enough. Not to mention that adoptions cost upward of $20,000 + (of which you cannot finance through an agency as if you were purchasing a car). Adoption may very well be in the cards for us and if that is how God wants to bring a child into our life, He will lead us in that direction, Himself. He has not yet done so. We pray and talk to Him on a daily basis and He does give us direction and choices to make...none of those are in the way of adoption yet. However, that is personal and is between He and us.

My being "creepy" is your opinion as well. Some people do actually plan for children. Not everyone sees it as a spur of the moment thing and it's not always a "surprise" for everyone. It's nothing like "planning a wedding for a future husband." Husbands and weddings are far less complicated than having children. All little girls dream of their wedding day, but I did not have it planned out and my husband had a great deal of input. Having children takes maturity, and with maturity you realize that they have needs and one of those needs is to have a loving home. That is something our child will not be lacking. I began that nursery in the unknowing state that we didn't have fertiltiy issues. I didn't realize that fact until months later and then I took a break from the nursery for a while. The painting on the walls is a very time consuming project as it was done by me and I work full time. When you are pregnant, you can't be on ladders and surrounded by paint fumes. I had to finish that nursery because that is the nursery I want my child to have. I put in over 200 hours creating it and with each stroke of my brush, I felt in my bones I was doing the right thing. I already am in love with our child. So in love, that I wanted him or her to have the coolest room around...colors, happiness, love. It takes a lot to prepare for a child...more than most expect, especially financially. I didn't want to worry or struggle once the baby was here. I want to be able to enjoy my child. Everything in that room is paid for...even clothes! We don't have to worry about anything once we're expecting and I'm very thankful that we've already had the opportunity to do that. Maybe that is God's reasoning for our situation. Maybe He wants to wait to bless us with a child when our circumstances are perfect. I still don't know that, but it's a thought. I do know one thing...my God has already promised me a child and He never breaks His promises!

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. You made that comment sound hateful and bitter...not just myself but to a whole group of women who are in the same boat as me. None of us asked for this and we have moments of frustration where we need to vent. That is one of the reasons for this space. We are all only human. There are many people who've read your comment and have been hurt and they've all approaced me about it. I've told them that I feel so bad for you. I so wish bitterness didn't engulf your process of thinking. I can't speak for everyone, but I do forgive you and I hope that you somehow find your own hope in your own life.

I am also happy to announce (to everyone) that Chris has been hired to a new company...one week to the day of his being laid off. He loves this job more than his previous one, as this company has a much better management staff. God is great!!