Happy Not-a-Father Day!

6/17/07

I really wanted to wake up today and take a home pregnancy test, have it be positive, and then get to tell my husband "Happy Father's Day!" As we all know by now, my plans never go as expected. Today was a nightmare.

I woke up around 5:30 AM with antcipation of the pregnancy test not allowing me sleep! I took it and of course it was a negative! Thinking and trying to keep myself calm I say, "Well, it's still just too early...I'm only 10 days past ovulation." I went back to bed. We awoke at 8:30 AM to a bright and sunny Father's Day. Then I went to the bathroom, lo and behold, Aunt Flow showed up. I was miserable. I broke down into tears and Chris immediately knew what that meant. He, again, did his best to comfort me and I knew he was dying inside as we now had to go stuff all these emotions behind our backs and suffer through a Father's Day Lunch with his family. A lunch where we knew there would be babies and Dads galore! Somehow, we managed to pull through and made a quick exit proceeding the gift-giving.

Next on the agenda, was to see my family for the day. We were to have a simple and small cookout which we both could emotionally handle due to the fact there would be no children present. We arrived at their house around 2 PM where we discovered that my Mom had just called 911 as my live-in Grandmother had suffered a stroke. We followed suit to the hospital where we got to sit and wait, and wait, and wait, and then we waited somemore. Finally, they said, "There is nothing we can do." They admitted her and said they would make sure she stayed "comfortable." We made it back to my parents' house around 8:30 PM and still tried to enjoy the remainder of the evening by having our family cookout.

I'm so emotionally drained from today that I'm finding it utterly impossible to keep my eyes open. I am very upset and don't even have it in me to bring out any tears. I have to call the Dr. on Monday and see what our next course of action is to be. I'm sure she'll have us do another round of Clomid/IUI. I'm not really sure how we'll afford it though. I found out earlier this week what I had to pay out for our quarterly 2007 estimated taxes on 6/15. My jaw dropped when our accountant said, "$2,000.00!!" That cleaned out our savings account...which was the funding for all our medical expenses. Just one round of IUI is $600! I'm feeling rather hopeless at the moment as there is no financing option for any of this. It's either you pay on the spot or it doesn't happen!

Dear God, I know You may not hear this one very often (or maybe You do), but we need money to get pregnant! Happy Father's Day! Love, Two Very Disappointed Believers.