Thursday, September 30, 2010



I'm still here. Still waiting. Still praying as those prayers continue to remain unanswered. We've now been in the adoption journey for over a year and have yet to be matched with any children. We were tunred down for Danny twice. We've since found many, many more children we are interested in but keep being turned away as we are considered "inexperienced parents." We are currently waiting to hear back about a sibling group of three (two girls and a boy). Their ages are 10, 7, & 2. They are in GA and we're very excited about them; however, that excitement is extremely premature. It is so hard to see their pictures and read their life history and not become attached to them right away. We want to love them. We want to give them a chance. We want to be their family. Unfortunately, it seems no one is ever willing to give us a chance to be and do all those things. I'm very jaded now, by this process. It is no longer an adventure and it is not what I expected it to be. I do, still, have faith that we will be parents via adoption, no matter how broken our foster care system is.

I still secretly hold out hope that I'll conceive naturally as well. This Saturday, October 2, 2010, Chris and I will have been together 11 years. The majority of that relationship we've had unprotected sex and I've only been pregnant once, confirmed. I shouldn't, realistically, hold out a lick of hope but somehow every month I manage to play the "what if" game. What if it's this month? What if I see two pink lines? How will I tell Chris when I see those pink lines? Who will he/she look like and act like? I still play these head games with myself and every month, without fail, Aunt Flo shows up for her visit. Like today.

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