Tuesday, June 15, 2010

You're Qualified, but Not Really

6/15/10



Again, it's been a while since I've updated this site and I'm sorry to those that kept up with our story for so long. I have been wanting, almost needing, to write now for months but it just seems that so many things kept preventing me...time mainly. I wish I could tell you that we've been too busy keeping up with the pitter-patter of little feet running about the house but I'd be lying.

Chris and I are still in Adoption mode so that has not changed. We were FINALLY approved a few days before Christmas 2009. We were absolutely thrilled and the only thing that could have made the moment better was actually having a child in our home. We are now over 10 months into our Adoption journey and no good news. We haven't gotten one placement call from the state of GA. We are looking on our own all over the USA and have found several children whom we've inquired about. Our criteria has even changed a bit. Before, we were head strong on a child 0-3yrs and only one at a time. Now we've expanded to 0-8yrs and will consider a sibling set. Still, no luck.

There was one little boy who stole our hearts right away, never having met him in person. I wanted to be his Mom. His name is Danny and he just turned 7 yrs old in May. He lives in AZ. We found him online in February and immediately requested more information on him and sent them our Homestudy. They responded right away to let us know he was still available and also let us know that he had some behavior issues such as kicking, hitting, and cussing when he didn't get his way. Nonetheless, we were still on board. Finally, in May, a meeting was held where our case and another interested family were discussed. Instead of making a decision on which family to pursue, they moved him to another foster home. When I asked what his committee thought of us, I was told that they were concerned that we'd never been parents before. I then proceeded to ask her when the next meeting would be to make the final decision. She said that they only discussed his case once a month. At that point, my heart sunk in disappointment and disgust. Really? And people wonder why we have so many children in our foster care system. This poor little boy who has spent his 7 yrs on earth being neglected, abused, shut out and he still doesn't have a chance even though the state has "rescued" him. I realized that we'd never get to meet Danny and that he'd never get to call us Mom and Dad. I felt worse for him than I did us. At the rate the system is moving, he'll be a permanent fixture in foster homes until he "ages" out at which point he'll likely become a delinquent. I pray for Danny.

There have been others, probably a hundred. The same excuse is used in most cases. Apparently, my experience in the childcare field (for over half my life) is not enough. I've worked with special needs children, pre-schools, elementary, middle, and even high school ages. We are certified in CPR and First Aid, our home is child proofed, and the state of GA has recognized that we would be fit parents. However, none of this seems to suffice. I don't know what else to do other than to continue praying.

I didn't even tell Chris this, but I believe that I might have miscarried again this past March. I'm still temping/charting so I'll at least know if I'm ovulating. In March, my temperature was elevated for 23 days post ovulation when it normally is only up for 10 days
and then aunt flo comes for a visit. The tests all said negative but I just had that feeling like last time that I was pregnant. I didn't have it confirmed by a Dr. There wasn't really a need to hear the words again. I couldn't bring myself to tell Chris. I've only told one person, today as a matter of fact. But I think I'll continue to stay in denial about it...easier that way.

1 comment:

Julie said...

I so understand on the adoption thing! We were told the same thing no matter what our life experiences were, we didn't have parent experience. It's absolute bull!!! I'm saddened to hear they still use the same excuses.
We are treated so much differently now & I'm not sure if it's because we now meet the unspoken parent code or if it's because we are in a different state. However, I feel no more qualified to parent a child than I did before. Ugh!
I'm really, really sorry. We're looking nationwide also & it's so heartbreaking to know that a vast majority will age out not because someone wasn't interested or qualified but because people are full of crap.

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